the big O

“Having trouble achieving orgasm and climax is a common problem for females because we are so in our heads.” Bonnie Gayle

I saw this post (below) from a woman who really wanted some help on a sex advice blog.

“I have a very difficult time reaching orgasm. I know that’s common from penetration but even during oral even though it feels amazing I can never finish. What confuses me is that when I self-pleasure I have no trouble having an orgasm. Is that strange?

The blogger gave her some great ideas like;

  • Thinking about what she does to orgasm when she’s masturbating
  • Giving him tips of what positions and sensations feel best for her
  • Suggesting the use of sex toys

This is all great advice. The problem is that if you don’t know what exactly to do to feel good and what positions work best for you, you aren’t able to tell your partner. This is the case for many women.

But there is more to it than that which plays a big role as well.

In order to achieve full arousal leading to orgasm you need to get out of your head and into your body. Otherwise, no matter how hard you try, it’s not going to happen. You have to allow your body to fully experience pleasure without receiving the negative thoughts, messages and doubts trapped inside of your head.

So… to start with you may want to consider some outside factors that you can control both prior to and during lovemaking:


What are you hearing? Is it dead quiet? Are you worried about the neighbors next door because you can hear them through the paper-thin walls whenever they are talking? Are you afraid your own bodily noises, moans and groans will be heard?

Tip#1 Turn on some great music that you love and makes you feel sexy or relax into some softer sounds allowing you to turn that head off.

Thinking About What You Look Like?

What are you thinking about in relationship to how your body looks and/or what he may be thinking about it? I can say this time and time again yet it has to register in your brain. “You are your own worst enemy about how you feel or think about what you look like. That has to stop.” Your partner’s only thought is about how hot you are right now and how he is so excited to give you pleasure. That’s his/her goal in the moment. In fact, it’s his/her mission.

Tip#2 Turn down the lights OR use candlelight and/or blindfold yourself so it’s less about the visual of you.

Have You Lost Your Sense of Sensation or Feeling Desirous?

If so, you’re definitely in your head not your body and need to feel your body to get that lovin’ feeling. I recommend a sensual bath with The Waterslyde (pictured below) along with an organic healthy feel-good sensual product (pictured below) to help you start to feel yourself and getting you in-the-mood.

The WaterSlyde     IMG_9082 (1)smlr

Tip#3 is taking a bath before you go out using The Waterslyde which routes the water flow drop more in the center of  the tub. When you’re laying down in the tub, the water flow lands perfectly on your vagina creating sensation and turning you on! This is a great way to stimulate you sexually without using anything electronic so that you naturally start to feel turned-on by touch. The most fun you’ve ever experienced in the bath tub!

Tip#4 is an organic vaginal moisturizing sexual lube that increases sensation called Sex Butter ! By applying a dime-sized dab of Sex Butter on your lady parts, within seconds you will start to feel yourself. Rub a little and feel how much more sensitive you are as arousal sets in. Sex Butter allows you to experience greater arousal and helps nudge your body into orgasm!

It’s time. Time you allowed yourself to experience an orgasm with a partner and even multiples! Time you stopped worrying about what you look like with the one you love. Time you allowed yourself to get out of your head and into your body so you can have the most pleasurable sex of your life!

XOX Bonnie Gayle


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